Our Cabin

I'm afraid this is going to be a long blog. It's the blog that I almost wrote the last time we had a Fred Olsen cabin with this particular type of bathroom. The design has been used in all their ships which have been “stretched” and I first encountered it two years ago in the Boudicca. At that time I blogged that the clear glass windows between the bathroom and the bedroom were based on a misunderstanding of the sanitary habits of Fred's key market sector but I didn't elaborate. I know that I do bang on about design and I didn't want to risk boring blog followers. This time I'm sorry but I just can't help indulging myself so if you don't want to know the result look away now.

 

Architects, like all professions, have their own language and tricks of the trade which, like all professions, allow them to charge more that they're often worth. Like the Magic Circle I don't think I'm supposed to tell anyone about the tricks but I've now resigned from the RIBA so sod it. One trick all Architects learn is that, to create a “Wow” factor, you have to ignore at least one, and preferably more, of the rules of sensible design. Think about it – tick every box and your design looks like thousands of previous versions. Everyone has seen it before so it can't help being a bit boring. This particular Fred Olsen Bathroom is spacious, luxurious and it definitely has the Wow factor. Underneath the surface, almost invisible to the untrained eye, it's all a little bit silly.

To set the scene our cabin is on the top accommodation block right in the centre of the really big suites. It's proof that all those hours Janet spends pouring over cruise ship plans on the Internet have not been wasted. We have the same frontage as the biggest suites but ours isn't as deep to allow space for the swimming pool on the deck above. That means that our layout is turned 90 degrees to the usual cruise ship cabin plan with spectacular results. The side of our bed and our living area are alongside a glass wall which opens to a balcony that's big enough for a deck quoits. The inner part of the suite has our wardrobes, our entrance door and of course the Fred Olsen Multiple Occupancy Bathroom.

I've already mentioned the two windows in the wall above the bath. Even the most ardent exhibitionist needs some personal time and so the windows are fitted with Venetian blinds. In this position damage is inevitable so, unless you want a peek-a-boo effect, opening and closing the blinds means having to adjust bent or twisted slats. I'm guessing that after the first day most people leave them closed. The bath is enormous. Janet doesn't like our 6ft bath at home because she says she can't brace herself properly but, moving rapidly on, - this length of this bath is over 7ft!.

A bath of this size is really for two people but in this case your partner needs to have curvature of the spine to avoid the taps and shower fitting. (Architects don't like central taps which sooner or later will break when used as hand grips or end up scalding someone’s genitals) The only way two people can use this bath comfortably is if one has a shower whilst the other one lies down to bathe. Various positions are possible but all of them are really only suitable for the young or the extremely short sighted.

The central part of the bathroom has two “his” and “hers” basins. I've never been convinced about the usefulness of this arrangement and the problem is there just isn't enough data. “Do you go to the bathroom with your partner?” is a question that seldom gets asked outside of certain Internet chat rooms. The truth is that two basins tend to get used when the space looks too big for one. They also subliminally say “These days everyone's got one of everything – you've done so well you deserve two” (see also kitchen ovens) You can always use the second basin to soak your underwear in overnight but this does detract from the air of luxury the redundant fitting is intended to create.

The toilet is discreetly positioned behind a thin frosty perspex door with gaps at the top and bottom. Seeing your partner sat on the loo in soft focus is obviously preferable to the pin sharp version but it's still not high on my bucket list. Also I don't want to be indelicate but there's no way to avoid the subject of noise and smells - aspects of life that are not entirely under control within Fred Olsen's demographic. It goes without saying that the ceiling extract is on the opposite side of the room to get rid of the damp air from the shower. I'm afraid that sharing this bathroom is not guaranteed to be a romantic experience for most of the meat eating population.

So there you have it – The Fred Olsen Bathroom. It breaks enough rules to qualify for the Wow factor and It's large enough to accommodate five people in luxury - as long as the two in the bath and the two washing their hands can manage to ignore the one in the loo.

Dave